About Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)
When couples seek counselling its because they’ve often lost sight of each other as unique human beings with different ways of expressing their attachment needs. Just like children, adults too need to feel secure bonds with others.
EFCT Is an evidence-based model based in attachment science, for building strong and secure bonds between those who matter most to each other. We do this by first identifying the repetitive negative communication cycles you get stuck in and how your messages to each other become scrambled and you end up scaring and hurting each other. We get to know this pattern which disguises your true needs, fears and longings and help you exit it.
Once you understand that the source of secondary emotions like jealousy, anger, criticism, resentment and blame stem from unmet attachment needs, we help you translate and transform these needs into the language and expression of vulnerable emotion. We help you send clearer and less scary signals to each other; this builds safety and trust.
e.g., “Stop ignoring me, you treat me like I’m invisible”, can become “I feel so lonely sometimes when I feel you withdraw, like I’m losing you”.
Your relationship will flourish when you and your partner can be a safe haven for each other in times of insecurity or distress; when you can become a secure base for each other in the certainty that you have each other's back.
The Three Stages of EFCT:
Stage 1:
We help you get to know the cycle that is eroding your connection. I’m going to help you recognise it, catch it and exit it and you’re going to be able to do that at home too. When things feel safer between you and the cycle is not taking over, we move to Stage 2.
Stage 2:
Now we can dive more deeply into your vulnerable fears and longings for the relationship and help you take some risks with each other to really connect in a new secure cycle.
Stage 3:
Practice, revise and celebrate your more secure connection and establish relationship bonding rituals that will keep your relationship secure and nourished every day.
By exposing ‘the problem’ as the dysfunctional cycle, couples don’t have to feel that they or their partner are to blame; as eyes become accustomed to seeing your partner as a unique individual with a separate and different attachment history, you discover more about yourself and your partner’s perspective and role in the cycle. In this way couples can become less defensive, more understanding and capable of expressing vulnerable needs and longings without fear.
EFT is a unique blend of Attachment Science, Family Systems Therapy and experiential Gestalt Therapy – designed to re-establish a secure relational bond.