Parenting with Attachment Theory
Do you ever find yourself doing and saying things to your children just the way your parents did, even though you swore you never would?
Do you ever wonder just how your kids know exactly how to press your buttons?
About Parenting with Attachment Theory
Attachment experts advise being ‘Bigger, stronger, wiser and kind’; not easy to do when you’re in a highly stressed situation with your kids. But the good news is that you only need to apply the ideal amount of attuned parenting 30% of the time for your kids to grow up safe in the knowledge that they’re loved just for who they are and secure enough to attract healthy relationships as they grow up.
‘Attuned parenting’ is simply ‘being with the feelings of your child’ so that they learn what their feelings are without being overwhelmed by them. The other piece of good news is even when you inevitably become overwhelmed by their feelings, as long as you repair the rupture with your child as soon as you have calmed down, your bond with them remains strong, or even stronger.
At the core of the ‘being with’ approach is decades of research that explains how we learn to manage our feelings by experiencing the support of an adult who stays present with us in the moment and in the feeling. An adult who is cut off from their own emotions and only focuses on their child’s behaviour, risks rupturing the parent-child bond, leading to greater instances of unregulated emotional outbursts and anti-social behaviour. We all learn self-control and empathy through the process of being co-regulated by a carer who can be ‘bigger, stronger, wiser and kind’.
Circle of Security parenting is based in the science of Attachment/Attunement Theory and is offered as an 8 or 20-week group program or in individual sessions.
If you need help with parenting, I will help you explore your own attachment history so that you can learn to provide a safe emotional harbour for your children and a secure base with appropriate limits and boundaries from which they can explore their world.
Particular areas of specialty are:
Children who are neurodiverse
Children (or parents) with a background of Complex Developmental Trauma
Disrupted attachment
Parent Training Course – Circle of Security
Circle of Security training teaches parents and caregivers how to build a secure attachment with their children. “Being with” the feelings of your child is the core of this approach, and you will learn research-based techniques that will enable you to recognise your child’s feelings, honour them, and stay with them, even in more challenging moments.
At the centre of the “being with” approach is decades of research that explains how we learn to manage our feelings by experiencing the support of an adult who stays present with us in the feeling and in the moment. What is unhelpful in this process is an adult who is cut off from their own feelings and only focuses upon their child's behaviour. Surprising to many is the research that shows how 2 year olds who’ve been raised in the context of “being with” are actually less demanding, throw fewer tantrums, and are more responsive to their parents’ requests than children who’ve been without this approach.
In science speak: co-regulation leads to self-regulation. This is called Attuned Parenting.
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Circle of Security training is offered to groups as an eight-week course of 2 hours per week, or on an individual basis of 1 hour per week.
Individual work with children and young people
Parents and carers are always included in the work I do with young people living at home.
Particular areas of expertise are:
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Autism
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Complex developmental trauma
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Disrupted attachment
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Living in out of home care